There are some memorable quotes by Dave Barry.
:: Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
:: The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
:: Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.
:: The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.
:: Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.
~Only Dave Barry could think that
:: Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.
:: What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
:: Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
:: If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings”.
:: Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
:: It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.
:: Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
:: Escargot’ is French for ‘fat crawling bag of phlegm’.
:: It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.
:: Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.
:: If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
:: People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
:: Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
~Dave Barry quotes on Fishing
:: Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
:: I realize that I’m generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don’t care.
:: The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.
:: I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
:: Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
:: You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
~Another funny quote by Dave Barry
:: Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
:: Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
:: I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.
:: Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
:: If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
~Dave Barry on making up new words
:: Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
:: As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.
:: For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.
~Funny Dave Barry quote on Golf
So What are you favorite Dave Barry Quotes?
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