You’re only as good as your last haircut.
Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.
Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.
I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.
Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.
Polite conversation is rarely either.
All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
Nothing succeeds like address.
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