Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

Thanksgiving is the Holiday for giving thanks to all out friends, families and relatives. It is day to Thank God, and give gratitude to fellow human beings. It is the day to meet friends and family, a day for merry making and great food and fun. You could add to the fun by trying to be funny and some thanksgiving jokes and these funny thanksgiving quotes make you look witty.

Got no checkbooks, got no banks. Still I’d like to express my thanks.
~Irving Berlin

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
~George Bernard Shaw

Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, “Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England”.
~ Jay Leno

If you think Independence Day is America’s defining holiday, think again. Thanksgiving deserves that title, hands-down.
~Tony Snow
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes
An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
~ Irv Kupcinet

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
~Phyllis Diller

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
~ Erma Bombeck

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “thank you,” that would suffice.
~Meister Eckhart

Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.
~Michael Dresser

Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.
~Ambrose Bierce

God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say “thank you?”
~William A. Ward

Some people complain because God put thorns on roses,
while others praise Him for putting roses among thorns.
~Anonymous

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
~ Rita Rudner

You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
~ Jay Leno’s Funny Thanksgiving quote

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.
~Kin Hubbard

The pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts… nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.
~H. W. Westermayer

We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.
~ George Carlin.. This is Typical Carlin. Trying to be funny but not too funny.

The thing I’m most thankful for right now is elastic waistbands.
~Author Unknown after eating too much food.

Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.
~P. J. O’Rourke

Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
~ Johnny Carson

I love Thanksgiving turkey… it’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.
~Arnold Schwarzenegger

Who does not thank for little, will not thank for much.
~ Estonian prover

Even though we’re a week and a half away from Thanksgiving, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
~Richard Roeper

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.
~ William Arthur Ward

Here I am 5 o’clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird’s butt.
~Roseanne Barr

Coexistence… what the farmer does with the turkey – until Thanksgiving.
~Mike Connolly

Here is my favorite Thanksgiving Joke:
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Ans: Pilgrims!

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