Some Funny Women quotes just for laughs. No offense intended.
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
Women’s intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking.
Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no-one likes to have to keep one.
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
~Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Men get laid, but women get screwed.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute.
Women like silent men. They think they’re listening.
To a woman the first kiss is just the end of the beginning but to a man it is the beginning of the end.
~ Helen Rowland
Men are generally more law-abiding than women. Women have the feeling that since they didn’t make the rules, the rules have nothing to do with them.
~ Diane Johnson
I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It’s the good girls men should be warned against.
~ David Niven
Sons branch out, but one woman leads to another.
~ Margaret Atwood
Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Men, their rights, and nothing more;
Women, their rights, and nothing less.”
~Susan B. Anthony
The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
~ Roseanne Barr
The strength of women comes from the fact that psychology cannot explain us. Men can be analysed, women … merely adored.
A woman is like a tea bag – you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing – and then they marry him.
Women are seldom silent. Their beauty is forever speaking for them.
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.
Wild horses couldn’t drag a secret out of most women. However, women seldom have lunch with wild horses.
As Miss America, my goal is to bring peace to the entire world and then get my own appartment.
Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.
The woman who tells her age is either too young to have anything to lose or too old to have anything to gain.
Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away. ~Laurence J. Peter
A woman can look both moral and exciting… if she also looks as if it was quite a struggle. ~Edna Ferber
Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
~ Fran Lebowitz
Don’t give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can’t wear in the evening.
No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating.
~ Oscar Wilde
No matter what a woman looks like, if she’s confident, she’s sexy.
~Paris Hilton (Funny because Ms Hilton said this )
Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.
~ Maryon Pearson
To generalize on women is dangerous. To specialize on them is infinitely worse.
~ Rudolph Valentino
I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
~ Helen Rowland
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
~ Gloria Steinem
Most women are not as young as they are painted.
Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.
~ Samuel Butler
A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.
~ Groucho Marx
Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they’d be intolerable.
~ Edward Abbey
We also have some serious “women quotes”..