Funny Women Quotes

Some Funny Women quotes just for laughs. No offense intended.

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
~Oscar Wilde

Women’s intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking.
~Rupert Hughes

Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no-one likes to have to keep one.
~WC Fields

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
~Mark Twain

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
~Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Men get laid, but women get screwed.
~Quentin Crisp

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute.
~Author Unknown

Women like silent men. They think they’re listening.
~Marcel Achard

To a woman the first kiss is just the end of the beginning but to a man it is the beginning of the end.
~ Helen Rowland

Men are generally more law-abiding than women. Women have the feeling that since they didn’t make the rules, the rules have nothing to do with them.
~ Diane Johnson

I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It’s the good girls men should be warned against.
~ David Niven

Sons branch out, but one woman leads to another.
~ Margaret Atwood

Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
~Author Unknown

Men, their rights, and nothing more;
Women, their rights, and nothing less.”
~Susan B. Anthony

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
~ Roseanne Barr

The strength of women comes from the fact that psychology cannot explain us. Men can be analysed, women … merely adored.
~Oscar Wilde

A woman is like a tea bag – you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing – and then they marry him.

Women are seldom silent. Their beauty is forever speaking for them.
~Philip Moeller

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.
~Carrie Snow

Wild horses couldn’t drag a secret out of most women. However, women seldom have lunch with wild horses.
~Ivern Boyett

As Miss America, my goal is to bring peace to the entire world and then get my own appartment.
~Jay Leno

Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.
~Oscar Wilde

The woman who tells her age is either too young to have anything to lose or too old to have anything to gain.
~Chinese Proverb

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away. ~Laurence J. Peter

A woman can look both moral and exciting… if she also looks as if it was quite a struggle. ~Edna Ferber

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
~ Fran Lebowitz

Don’t give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can’t wear in the evening.
~Oscar Wilde

No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating.
~ Oscar Wilde

No matter what a woman looks like, if she’s confident, she’s sexy.
~Paris Hilton (Funny because Ms Hilton said this )

Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.
~ Maryon Pearson

To generalize on women is dangerous. To specialize on them is infinitely worse.
~ Rudolph Valentino

I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on.
~Roseanne Barr

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
~ Helen Rowland

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
~ Gloria Steinem

Most women are not as young as they are painted.
~Max Beerbohm

Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.
~ Samuel Butler

A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.
~ Groucho Marx

Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they’d be intolerable.
~ Edward Abbey

We also have some serious “women quotes”..

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