Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
Always do whatever’s next.
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven’t tried that for a while. Maybe this time it’ll work.
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
~George Carlin on Death
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
Always do whatever’s next.
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.
If we could just find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
I’m not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose… it’ll be much harder to detect.
People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that …
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