It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull.
Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love.
It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense,common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.
When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands.
It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.
War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands.
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
Time stays, we go.
Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good.
The only really happy folk are married women and single men.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Religion, like poetry, is simply a concerted effort to deny the most obvious realities.
Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.
Lawyer: One who protects us against robbery by taking away the temptation.
Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.
Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.
A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child.
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier.
A home is not a mere transient shelter: its essence lies in the personalities of the people who live in it.
A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn’t know.
Truth: something somehow discreditable to someone.
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