Marriage Quotes and Sayings

This a collection of Marriage Quotes, which are mostly funny. Please don’t take it too seriously.

Starting with my Favorite Marriage Quote which is by Mignon McLaughlin:

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.
~Zsa Zsa Gabor

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
~Rita Rudner

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.
~Evelyn Hendrickson

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
~Joey Adams

Do not pray to marry the one that you love, but to love the one that you marry.
~Spencer Kimball

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Marriage Quotes
Let men tremble to win the hand of woman, unless they win along with it the utmost passion of her heart.
~Nathaniel Hawthorne

A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers.
~Ruth Bell Graham

Man’s best possession is a sympathetic wife.
~Euripedes Antigone

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
~ Groucho Marx

Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
~Gary Busey

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.
~H.L. Mencken

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
~Agatha Christie

Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
~Oscar Widle

Marry’d in haste, we oft repent at leisure.
~Benjamin Franklin

Marriage is a land mine. A really intimate land mine. Adultery to kitchen fires. Never a dull moment.
~Nora Roberts

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain’t so hot.
~Minnie Pearl

The institution of marriage itself strikes me as being in no trouble at all.
How many things do 95 Percent of people do? They should have a Defense of Voting Act.
~Robert Lang

Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women.
~Marion Smith

Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
~Joey Adams

The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
~H.V. Prochnow

Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener.
~ Pauline Thomason

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
~Rodney Dangerfield

All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.
~Raymond Hull

Those marriages generally abound most with love and constancy that are preceded by a long courtship.
~Joseph Addison

A good marriage is a contest of generosity.
~Diane Sawyer

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?
~Barbra Streisand

The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.
~Oscar Wilde

Marriage is like life in this – that it is a field of battle, and not a bed of roses.
~R L Stevenson

When a man opens the car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.
~Prince Philip

Related posts:

  1. Marriage Quotes
  2. Funny Wedding Quotes

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