Marriage Quotes and Sayings

This a collection of Marriage Quotes, which are mostly funny. Please don’t take it too seriously.

Starting with my Favorite Marriage Quote which is by Mignon McLaughlin:

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.
~Zsa Zsa Gabor

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
~Rita Rudner

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.
~Evelyn Hendrickson

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
~Joey Adams

Do not pray to marry the one that you love, but to love the one that you marry.
~Spencer Kimball

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
~Anonymous
Marriage Quotes
Let men tremble to win the hand of woman, unless they win along with it the utmost passion of her heart.
~Nathaniel Hawthorne

A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers.
~Ruth Bell Graham

Man’s best possession is a sympathetic wife.
~Euripedes Antigone

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
~ Groucho Marx

Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
~Gary Busey

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.
~H.L. Mencken

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
~Agatha Christie

Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
~Oscar Widle

Marry’d in haste, we oft repent at leisure.
~Benjamin Franklin

Marriage is a land mine. A really intimate land mine. Adultery to kitchen fires. Never a dull moment.
~Nora Roberts

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain’t so hot.
~Minnie Pearl

The institution of marriage itself strikes me as being in no trouble at all.
How many things do 95 Percent of people do? They should have a Defense of Voting Act.
~Robert Lang

Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women.
~Marion Smith

Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
~Joey Adams

The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
~H.V. Prochnow

Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener.
~ Pauline Thomason

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
~Rodney Dangerfield

All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.
~Raymond Hull

Those marriages generally abound most with love and constancy that are preceded by a long courtship.
~Joseph Addison

A good marriage is a contest of generosity.
~Diane Sawyer

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?
~Barbra Streisand

The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.
~Oscar Wilde

Marriage is like life in this – that it is a field of battle, and not a bed of roses.
~R L Stevenson

When a man opens the car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.
~Prince Philip

Related posts:

  1. Marriage Quotes
  2. Funny Wedding Quotes

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