I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose.
I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.
To attract men, I wear a perfume called “New Car Interior.”
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother’s tasted better the day before.
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet – so we bought a dog. Well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet.
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Related posts:
