Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious.
~P.G. Wodehouse

My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.
~Author Unknown

It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
~Mark Twain

Golf is golf. You hit the ball, you go find it. Then you hit it again.
~Lon Hinkle

I know I am getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.
~Gerald Ford

I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
~ Lee Trevino

Golf seems to me an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dogs out.
~Princess Anne of Great Britain

Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you’re the best.
~ Jack Nicklaus

Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can’t play it.
~Ted Ray

Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective.
~ Huxtable Pippey

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.
~Joey Adams

Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom.
~Michael Green

Isn’t it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?
~Bob Hope

Golf is a game in which the ball lies poorly and the players well.
~Art Rosenbaum

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.
~Robin Williams

Any game where a man 60 can beat a man 30 ain’t no game.
~Burt Shotte

Golf is for those who like to stroke it.
~Unknown

Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five.
~Paul Harvey

The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green.
~ Ernest Hemingway

Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result.
~Tommy Armour

Sometimes things work out on the golf course and sometimes they don’t. Life will go on. You try to understand what happens, but maybe today I don’t want to know. I just screwed up so maybe I should just put it behind me.
~ Greg Norman

Resolve never to quit, never to give up, no matter what the situation.
~Jack Nicklaus

Golf isn’t like other sports where you can take a player out if he’s having a bad day. You have to play the whole game.
~Phil Blackmar

Missing a short putt does not mean you have to hit your next drive out of bounds.
~ Henry Cotton

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
~ Bob Hope

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.
~Lee Trevino

The harder you work, the luckier you get.
~ Gary Player

Golf is a game not just of manners but of morals.
~ Art Spander

I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don’t put the right address on it.
~Jim Dent

My handicap? Woods and irons.
~Chris Codiroli

My golf is improving. Yesterday I hit the ball in one!
~ Jane Swan

If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.
~Lee Trevino

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.
~Pete Dye

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit
~Unknown

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.
~ Sam Snead

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
~Jim Bishop

The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.
~ Brian Weis

Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening – and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented.
~Arnold Palmer