Some quotes by Steven Wright
You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
How young can you die of old age?
It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
It doesn’t make a difference what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
Funny quotes by Steven Wright on dream
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Babies don’t need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach… it pisses me off! I’ll go over to a little baby and say ‘What are you doing here? You haven’t worked a day in your life!
If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
Another funny quote by Steven Wright
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Related posts:
